emo

in 2000, when i was 12, i was so into britney. all her songs were kept in my mind. one song that i loved singing at that time was born to make you happy. that time, i didnt really know what the entire lyrics was all about, i just knew that someone was born to make people around him happy, and i never found out what it actually really meant in a deeper view.


now i know. the song is dedicated to all people. lovers, parents, siblings you name it. and i have my own interpretation and conscience about that song. i really see it as a mother-daughter song. about the relationship. and it has sentimental values. but one thing that makes me think deeper is that was i really born to make my mother happy? has she been happy through out these 21 years? i know i have caused her lots of troubles and i am yet a troublesome. sometimes i think i am such a burden and i dont grow up according to her plan. now i really hate the word happy, thinking that i wont find happiness though i keep on searching perfection that might lead to happiness. and i let myself down again.


even if i say it will be alright, but actually it wont.
still i hear me say i want to end my life.
now and again i try to stay strong and alive.
and i know its never too late to make my mom happy.



hope that you are patient enough to see the difference.



xoxo

good days at home

What's up peeps....

just came back from penang visiting ipa and her family. we stayed there for about 3 days. ipa has made a decision to quit working for a while to focus on her 2 kids. and i am thoughtful enough that after this my pocket money will become less and less. ehhehe. well its alright. i dont care much. her children take more priority over her brat little sisiter, kan? hahahah. so for the 'kind of' last contribution ( i hope not) that ipa made was buying me a nike handbag that i love so much. thanks ipa. love ya..

nur kasih has just ended and i think it gives an impact to people especially those who are not a crybaby, like my sister, tika. i never saw her cry and this drama really made her cry. hahahha. speaking of nur kasih, i should have watched it from the very first episode. i never thought that this was actually good and all i can do right now is tuning to tv3 at 7.30 pm every mon- fri to catch all the episodes that ive missed.

staying at home makes me crave for fooooooooooooddddd. i eat a lot and keep rummaging food in my fridge. i think i have gained some weight and fyi, i cannot wear ima's levis jeans coz my peha doesnt fit with it... aarggh malunya...i wonder why ima's getting skinnier ek lately? hhahaah its karma. i used to tease her 'gemuk' when i was little and now iam the one who has that biggggggg thigh.

just made brownies and everyone loved it and am proud to say that it was my first attempt..



ok. gonna finish up reading twilight. toodles....


xoxo

rob

well, rob has changed his look and i find it disgusting. ooopsss sorry, i really hate his new appearance. just look at his new hair cut which is long and quite messy. seriously it sucks.

rob, you upset me. i just dont get it. what were you thinking of getting your hair done and ended up being like this? stop destroying yourself.

yeah, i prefer this most. i love his previous hair cut which was short and spiky and cute also.

tilll then

xoxo

i was stupid

if i could turn back time,
mahu saja saya pergi ke minggu lepas,
why?
sebab saya ada 7 hari untuk baca buku falsafah,
but i had taken for granted,
mentang2 ada banyak hari,
so i said to myself that 'oh, i have so freaking enough time, so why bother to study earlier?'
jadi saya banyak habiskan masa dengan menghadap facebook,
like almost everyday i did this rather than facing my own intellectual book,
lagi satu masa tu asyik fikir nak balik je,
so i was quite disrupted by this childish anticipation,
jadi agak terganggu untuk belajar,
yeah im emotional right know,
falsafah agak gila susah,
n it really baffled me while answering that damn hard questions,
jadi saya nak luahkan semua ni kat blog,
some say that emo people are good at writing,
am really dreading of what kind of result that im gonna get,
aaaahhhh forget it, but hopefully it'll turn out well.



till then,
xoxo